I think all of us at one time in our lives have heard the
saying,
"Life is short."
At that point in time, we hear it, we agree, let it
settle a bit, then move on.
"Life is short."
At the time you heard these words, it was most likely not
the easiest time in your life. Most of the time hearing those three words, at
that point in time, some sort of event had taken place that caused you to hear
those three words, and never had it been more real to you than at that point in
time. That moment when you thought about how you are living, and what you are living
it for. The moment when those people that
pass right through your head and make you realize just how incredibly thankful
that you are to have them.
"Life is short."
You hear it, you agree, go ahead, let it settle a bit, don't move on.
For those of you that are unaware, the 08-09 FYMs have had a
loss. Sarah Buller was killed in a car accident on Sunday, April 5th. She was a
beautiful, funny, generous, always smiling, strong woman of God.
I feel like I could sit here for a few more hours and think
of things to take up an eight page blog to go into detail about what's on my heart right now, but I don't
think that is necessary. In fact, it isn't at all, because it really is so
simple.
How are you
living? What are you living it for?
Look around. Give thanks.
Not just after you read this blog, not just after today. Everyday.
How are you really
living? What are you really
living for? Look around. Give thanks.
I must admit, as much as I feel like I am writing this so
you can read it, I more feel like I am actually the one who needed to sit down
and read this.
Please be praying for our team, the family of Sarah, and
whoever else that had the blessing to know her.
We love you Buller, and know you are right where you need to
be. :)
Wow, February 14. I really have no idea where the time has gone. It seems like since we've been here I can never keep track of the time. Fridays feel like Tuesdays, 5 o'clock feels like noon, and February 14th feels like January 14th. Before I know it, I'm going to be sitting at home, trying to process the last 9 months of my life, that seemed like 2.
I have come to the conclusion that time is precious. Sometimes it's hard not to focus on "Hey Everyone, we are going to be home in 3 months.. isn't that weird?", rather than soaking up every second that all of us have left with each other.
The past couple months in Swaziland have been great. Exhausting, painful, emotionally draining, tough, but absolutely amazing. I like to tell Matt, who is one of my leaders, how this has been the worst year of my life.. and I wouldn't take it back for anything. Yes, this year God has shaken me, hard. Yes, this year I feel like I have been through more struggle than in my entire life, in different ways. Yes, I have been tested through and through more this year than in my entire life.
What I'm trying to say is, through this being the "worst" year of my life, what I mean is that this year has been the biggest blessing that I have ever had. This year for me has shaped me in ways that I never imagined could ever happen. I am so incredibly thankful that God has given me the "worst" year of my life, because it is exactly what I needed.
Anyways, back to Swaziland..
Some days, in a sense, I feel like I am back in Oregon during Summer time,
Monday: Rain
Tuesday: Blue Sky, 95 degrees
Wednesday: Rain
Thursday: Blue Sky, 90 degrees
Friday: Blue Sky, 100 degrees
Saturday: Rain
Sunday: Rain
I can't even begin to stress how much I have fallen in love with the rainy days here though. It sure makes sleeping a lot easier, and the days a lot more comfortable.
The past week has been a little rough. Currently, I am getting over some flu-like sickness that seems to be bouncing from person to person in our house. One of the teammates put it this way, "Living in an AIM house is sort of like living in the waiting room at the doctor's office."
So, along with that, I had to take a trip out to Mbabane which is about an hour away for a trip to the dentist. For a few months now I have been having some pretty severe tooth aches toward the backs of my mouth. It wasn't too bad up until recently. The pain would come and go, day to day, all while giving me headaches. Let me tell you, Swaziland sun + tooth aches + headaches = Not a good day. As it slowly started getting worse, I decided it was time to go get it checked out.
It turns out my wisdom teeth are coming through, and growing at an angle into my other teeth causing the headaches. She suggested to me a specialist in a city in South Africa called Nelspuit, which is about a 4 and a half/ 5 hour drive. As of now, it's looking like within the next couple weeks or so, I will be taking an adventure to get all four of my wisdom teeth pulled. Africa isn't exactly my ideal choice of getting it done.
As ministry goes, I'm sure some of you saw that the boys and myself started teaching at Salesian High School which is an all boys school. We have seven classes a week, and are teaching Form's 1 and 2. (8th and 9th Grade) The main purpose of the lessons is to talk to them about HIV and AIDS, all while ttying the gospel into it. The first week went very well, with a few bumps here and there, but all turned out well. Monday was the first day, and being sick, I wasn't able to join the other 3 to kick things off. The rest of the week went great, aside from Davie also feeling sick and missing a day as well.
Here is sort of an overview of what our first lesson looked like:
Ryan sort of introduces each of us, and talks a little bit about what it is that we are doing here, and explains about the time we had spent in South Africa.
For our first activity, we took all of the boys outside to play a game with them. Being the first time we have ever seen any of them, and us about to lay some pretty heavy stuff onto them, this was to sort of loosen them up a little bit, and feel a bit more comfortable.
Once we all head back inside, Davie expands a little bit more on our purpose and asks a few questions and get them guessing what it is we are going to be talking about.
Next, I came up to show them some numbers and statistics that we had done some research on. I showed them the population of 3 countries for the years 2004, 2006, and 2008. The countries were China, United States, and South Africa. In each of the countries I made it clear that each population is increasing throughout the years. Next I showed them what the numbers were for their country, which is decreasing. (Swaziland is one of the only countries in the world with a decreasing population. Botswana being the other.)
I then put up a percentage above China, .1%. Which is the HIV percentage in China. I then asked them to guess for the next countries.
United States: "0%!" ".1!" No, .6%.
Next country,
South Africa: "20%!" "34%!" No, 26.5%.
Now,
Swaziland: "80%!" "100% (accompanied with some laughs)" No, it is 44%.
Stop a little bit, ask some questions. Ok, it is obvious that they have heard these things before, and are more than aware that there is a problem in the country.
One more set of numbers, life expectancy. But first, pause for some questions asking them what it is they want to be when they get done with school, what their goals are.
Awesome answers. Some, that I wasn't expecting. These kids have dreams, hopes, huge goals.
Alright, now, time for the numbers.
The life expectancy for children 15 and under in Swaziland is 32 years old.
I paused for a little bit after listening to the gasps, and the uncomfortable silence that filled the room. I told them that I didn't believe that they were alright with already have lived half of their lives. I explained to them that by 2050, if things are still going the way they are, Swaziland is projected to be extinct. Which, I should hope, you reading this gave out a gasp yourself.
I can easily say that one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, is stand in front of a classroom of 45 boys, look them in the faces, and tell them that their country is dying.
Next Blair comes up to talk to explain how the numbers is up to them to change. That there is a possibility of change. That this generation can change the way this country is headed. That it is actually up to this generation to change those numbers, and they can.
The week was one of the worst weeks of my life. It was one of the worst weeks of my life just how this has been the worst year of my life. As hard as it was to stand up and explain these things, I know that it got some heads spinning. I know that it has caused someone to think twice in certain situations. This week was one of the worst weeks of my life, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I am so excited for the weeks to come, the relationships that are going to be made, the tears that are going to shed, the battles that are going to be fought, and the binds in these boys lives that are going to be broken.
Please continue to pray for us as we go into this school, into this battlefield. I appreciate all of the prayers already, and all of the support. It means everything.
As much as I wish that I could just end this blog, I know that I can't. I actually am quite burdened at the moment and need to ask all of you for some help as my supporters.
I am still a bit behind on my support raising. Yes, I know that I am already here, which is by the grace of Adventures In Missions, in which I am very thankful for. As of right now I owe AIM $1,500.00. My goal is actually more than that, which I am not actually giving a number at all, and trusting that the Lord will provide what is needed. Meaning, I am actually hoping for enough support raised to get refunded for some of the costs. This is one of my least favorite things to do, ask for money, but I know it is something that I need to do. I realize that with mostly everyone reading this I wouldn't be here without you, and I thank you for that. I hope that none of you get the impression that I have forgotten your donations, and prayers.
I am fully aware of our economic situation and realize that others, maybe even yourself are struggling at the moment as well. I am not only asking for money, I am also asking for your prayers as well. I would even say even more I am asking you for you prayers. I ask that you give this some prayer, and if you feel led to donate, thank you, and I appreciate it. If you don't and you feel led to continue to support me in prayer only, thank you, and I appreciate it.
How To Donate:
On the left of this page there is a button under my picture in the list under "Main Menu:" that says "Support Me!"
It will give you 2 options, to donate by mail, or to donate straight from your computer.
Again, thank you so much for all of your support. I am truly blessed to have each and every one of you in my lives. I can't wait to be able to sit down with all of you and share what each of us has missed in the months passed.
We miss and love all of you very much and are looking ahead to when we are together again.
As for the here and now The Lord is calling on us few for a great and unique purpose.
Four of the Guys on the our Swazi team were given permission by a local
priest last Monday to come into the
local boys high school (Salesian High School) and preach/teach for
eight different class periods every
week until we leave! This is a phenomenal opportunity and the Lord is
leading the way. He has already been preparing us and is providing for
us information, community support and resources
to pour into our planning time. We are all very focused on this
opportunity and while we are now beginning to see the magnitude and
challenge before us we have been assured that our Lord is going ahead
of us and we are eager to go with Him.
Upon receiving the invitation we began to plan and schedule almost
immediately but there remained a sense that we actually still had not
received permission and blessing from the Lord to go ahead with this
ministry into the school, valuable as it seemed. We conversed over
Saul's impatient mistakes and King David's faithfulness in inquiring of
the Lord while making descisions. (1st Chronicles 14:9-11)
We will be moving ahead, totally on
faith that God will use us to build a gospel based boys leadership
program. Stressing the urgency of the Aids crisis, gender roles,
responsibility, discipleship and the freedom available from the cycles
of temptation, sin and death through a deeper faith with Jesus Christ. Its about fellowship.
They
need to know Jesus is more than just a superficial, intellectual recognition of
heaven and hell. They say the gospel in Africa is a mile wide and an
inch thick. Very shallow.
They will decide its future, and they must know the facts about this this fallen world.
Swaziland is the most "Christianized' nation
in the world and it will be the next to disappear.
How can this be??
The Population in 2006
was about 1.1 million only last year in 2008 it sat just over 900,000
and know that there are many, many people being born every single day.
We need the Holy Spirit's Power and Presence. In us, in the class, in the boys lives.
His Conviction and His Redemtion. Freedom from the enemy, harmfull culture, hopelessness.
His Guidance and Encouragement. Renewal, Rebirth, Revival.
We as a Church can choose to come together on this now. We need your prayers.
Use post its. Reminders. Tell everyone you know. I would encourage you to copy this link and send it to someone.
Pray for the boys to be open with us, for relationship to grow, for
the light of the Gospel as the only true salvation for this country and
for their very own souls. Pray for our lesson planning.
Pray for Delivery, leading and for great zeal in seeking a holiness and fellowship with our God as we walk this new path with Him.
Here is a brief update on what has been going on in my life
lately.
I know, it is short,
and it's also 2:00 A.M. so it might not even make too much sense. I tried to
sum everything up into a brief blog on what is on my heart right now, which was
difficult, but here is my attempt:
As some of you may know, myself and
3 other of my teammates were sent home mid-November due to consumption of
alcohol. With the grace of Adventures In Missions and God, I will be re-joining
the team in January to finish out the trip in Swaziland. I am very thankful to
have such a merciful Father and to still be able to be a part of this
organization
Through the past month or so of being home, God has
continued to break, shake, and mold me. This has been a very humbling
experience, and I am now thankful that God has put me through this trial. He is
continuing to point out various impurities in my life that need to be
surrendered in order for me to have the intimate relationship that both Him and
I are determined to share.
I don't think that I have ever been this hungry for intimacy
with Christ in my life. During my time in Jeffrey's Bay I came to the
realization that I actually struggle with the fact that God loves me. In my
head I knew God loved me, but my heart didn't. It wasn't real. I couldn't
accept it. Why would God love me?
I realized that for so long, I had been doing all these
things, reading my Bible, going to church, going through the motions, so God
will love me.
Not because God loves me.
Coming back home was hard. Facing people wondering why I am
home so early and having to explain myself. I came back empty, discouraged, and
no idea what the next step was. Over the month of being here I have learned a
lot about myself and who I need to be. I have also failed, and could see myself
slowly start to backslide into who I was before I left for this trip. I
strongly believe that God has used this time of me being at home not only to
point out areas in my life that need work, but also to show me His love.
I am being shaken because He loves me.
I am being shaken because I mean that much to Him.
I have struggles, I make mistakes, I have horrible self
control, I lust, I am human, and I will still have failures, but I will never
give up, nor will I ever be given up on. I will keep running, chasing, growing,
and seeking.
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Wow, 83
Days left here in good ol' Oregon.
Still doesn't seem like in less than 3 months, I am going to be hopping onto an
airplane, head out to Georgia,
and meet all of the blessings that the Lord has poured into my life in the last
couple months. Lately I have been feeling like there is a constant battle going
on inside my head. I feel almost as if I am constantly worrying. I am
constantly stressing. Constant wondering, constant fear.
There isn't
a doubt in my mind that everything is going to work out, and in 83 days I will
be sitting in PDX waiting to board the plane, standing around saying all those
goodbye's, hugging, crying, laughing, praying, and most likely a little more
stressing. I have so much faith that this is exactly what the Lord is wanting
me to do this next year. Support will come, but am I doing enough? I know that
I can't sit back, and expect a check for $10,000.00 made out to Adventures In
Missions, with a note attached from God saying, "Have a good time son."
I've sent
out my letters, I am organizing garage sales, benefit shows, car washes, etc.
I just
want it all to be done. I just want to log into my account, check my support
status, and see at least something. Maybe I'm not doing enough? Maybe I'll go
sit downtown in front of a Laundromat armed with my guitar, and set out a
bucket and beg for spare change. Who knows, maybe that check from God is
waiting for me somewhere in the streets of Portland.
I think
the 2 things that I probably think about the most are,
"Are you
ready for this?" and "I wonder how things are going to be a year from now."
I honestly
don't believe that I could ever be ready to completely abandon everything that
I have, step so far outside of my comfort zone, and live across the world for 9
months.
Crazy!!
Oh man, am
I doing it though. Over the next year in my life I know that I am going to be
tested physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I am absolutely so
excited to see the person that I am going to become a year from now. So many
things are going to be revealed to me on so many different levels.
God,
I pray for
peace. I pray that you overwhelm me with a sense of comfort about everything.
No more worries, no more stress, no more doubt. Peace. I pray that in these
next couple months before this journey, that you will continue to test me, and
prepare me.
Amen
I think
that lately I have been getting hit hard with a lot of temptations and tests.
Sometimes I feel week and fail, which then for some reason makes me feel a
little bit stronger. I have learned a lot in the past couple weeks, and feel
that I am slowly molding into the man of God that I am. I am excited to see
what the rest of the summer has in store, and the 9 months after.
I am
growing up,
weird.
I am now starting
to pursue everything that God has called me to do.
I am
growing, learning, listening, failing, molding.
Wow. Africa. I don't think that I had ever pictured myself actually doing this. Yes, I have always had a huge heart for missions, always had a desire to go and do whatever it was that I could do to help. I would actually look at different organizations, and the trips that they had going and would read the agenda's and think to myself, "Wow, I would so love to be doing this."
In all honesty, even through the desire in my heart that I had to do something like this, I had never thought that it would someday, actually happen. Now, here I am posting my first blog, after being accepted into an amazing program, counting down the days until my team departs to South Africa for 9 months. I don't think that I can even begin to describe just how truly blessed that I feel to be able to take part in this opportunity. In actuality, at times it doesn't even feel real to me that this is actually happening. Even after folding massive amounts of paper, cutting paper, and stuffing envelope after envelope, it is all still so surreal. I'm not sure when it will really start to set in, that I am really going, that I am really going to abandon everything that I have here, family, friends, my comfy bed, hot showers whenever I want, taco bell, missing the chance to watch my Trailblazers take it all the way. (Yes, that's right. I said it, Portland to the finals next year.)
Seriously though, when is it going to feel real? Maybe a month before I leave? Maybe a few weeks before? Maybe it won't even be until I start packing up my stuff, or on the plane ride to Georgia. I have no idea. All I know is that the reality of it is, I'm doing this. I'm leaving everything, stepping so outside of my comfort zone, and doing this.
Wow. Africa…
After I sent in my application, I began to question if this was really what the Lord was wanting me to do. I had no idea if this is was just something that I wanted to do, or if God was right there behind me, backing me up 100%. I wanted to know.
I sat down, getting ready to have my study before bed, set my Bible onto my bed, and I asked the Lord if he would somehow show me through this study time, that me doing this trip, is what He wanted for me. It was simple really, I didn't think much of it, just sort of asked God if he would show some sort of confirmation.
I opened up my bible right to Isaiah, while the number 3 was literally pounding on my mind. I mean, it was straight pounding.
I began to flip 3 pages back from the page I was on, reading through every word, hoping to find something. Anything. I got to the third page, nothing.
Turned back to the page where I originally was, and went 3 pages in the other direction, doing as I was before, reading through every word. On the third page, it read,
Isaiah 33:17
"Your eyes will see the King in all His glory, they will see the land that is very far off."
Whoa.
Seriously, how rad is God? I mean, whoa.
After reading those words, I have had the most amazing peace about this trip. I have faith that the Lord will indeed meet each and every one of my needs on this trip. I can't say that I still don't freak out about it though. It's a scary thought.
I mean,
Wow, Africa.
I have had a lot of doubts in the past month, a lot of putting myself down, and thinking that I just might not be able to handle this trip. "9 months is a long time Tyler, maybe God had a different trip in mind for you." Little stuff like that would go through my head probably about a million times a day.
All I can say is that I am absolutely so incredibly blessed to have the most amazing teammates ever. It is so encouraging hearing from them, their stories, their passion for Christ, and knowing that I have such rad buds all around the country. They are the reason that I know that this is indeed the right trip for me. God didn't have another trip in mind for me, He wanted me on this specific trip, building relationships with these specific people.
Not even been accepted for that long, I am already building such amazing bonds with the people on my team. Having never met these people before, I already feel like they are close friends, friends that I can rely on to call at 3:00 AM if I just need someone to talk to. Having never met these people, and I already feel close to them, I can't even imagine how things will be 6 months from now.
I am so excited to be able to grow in my walk with the Lord in this next year, and even more excited to be able to be doing this growing with these amazing, radical, Jesus loving, people! They already mean so much to me, and I am so excited to be able to give em' all a huge hug.
To my team,
I want all of you to know how incredibly thankful that I am for you guys. I want you to realize that if it wasn't for your encouragement and prayers, I might have already pulled out of this trip, and looking for a shorter one. Thank you.
You are all way awesome
Well, there it is for my first post, if you made it through all of it, props to you.
